Friday, March 5, 2010

I have a friend

I have a friend.

I’m a lucky guy. I know a man who loves me. He allows me to tell my story; the story of the moment. I sometimes have difficult moments and when I do, I can cry, yell, cuss, whine or speak to him, and he allows it. This man is trust worthy; I do not have to pose for him. When the very foundation of my hope is rocked and I question my ability to continue, he remains. I have allowed this man to know me completely and this man still loves me.
This man is a gift from Jesus. You see some time ago when my world was falling apart I was in need of a friend; I knew it instinctually. I took a chance, although at the time I was so broken it was not really much of a chance at all, but rather simple, literal survival. Jesus gave me this man. I saw this man and the opportunity with the eyes of my heart, I just knew. I didn’t have time for putting on a face of content, or maturity. I was in need and I allowed it.
Life is really screwy. Honestly, sometimes don’t you just want to get through the day? Sometimes isn’t that all your capable of? Do you have moments where everything seems like a bloody war? I do.
I’m a passionate, abstract, emotionally charged man. Jesus loves that about me. When I’m breathing He gets to experience life as only He and I can. I have an immense capacity to love (and hate). I’m volatile. Sometimes when I’m getting crushed, I get overwhelmed. In those times I have a friend.
The world teaches us that when men reach a certain age (be it a number or perceived maturity), we’re not supposed to get crushed anymore. That’s crap. Life is difficult. Couple that with Jesus wanting to heal and free us of our chains, and diving into these feelings being the only way to do it, and you have a potential real mess (at least for me). I can’t do it alone. Isolation breeds dysfunction. I used to wonder why talking to Jesus wasn’t enough. I don’t have time for that question anymore. You see; I have a friend and all I know is that when I come to this man and express; my situation, frustration, brokenness, fear, anger, or rage I find healing and freedom at best and strength to continue at least. I hate how the world teaches that men should not need help. I wish every man had a friend like I have.

I have a friend that was given to me by Jesus. I’m a lucky guy. It’s a miracle. I had to risk; rejection, judgmental dismissal and betrayal but this man has proved trustworthy. I trust him with my life.

I just wanted to thank him.

Dear Friend,
I love you, thank you, well done.

1 comment:

  1. Steve,
    You continue to amaze me. I know that you are a "deep thinker", I can evaluate your face and body posture when a "moment" touches your heart. This letter you wrote really touches my heart. Thank you. I want to laugh, I want to cry, I want to rejoice, I want to crawl into a hole. We all need a friend like yours. Thank you God for being that friend, Thank you Lord for people like Steve.