Friday, September 25, 2009


Quite desperation.

I’m being quiet. The word desperation follows but I’m not sure why. The word seems to…desperate. I’m not desperate. I desire.

Quite desiring.

I desire quietness. Quietness in my head, my spirit.
I’m bored.
I’m quietly bored.
I don’t want to be bored.
I don’t want to be quiet.

I want sleep. Quiet sleep where I’m not bored, or desperate.

I want out of this moment.

It’s a hard day. Not a bad day, a hard day. No, it’s a hard moment.
It’s a good day, but a hard moment.

In this hard, desperate, bored, tired, quiet moment I desire something from Jesus.

Perseverance. I want to persevere. I am. I am persevering, quietly.
In other times I would distract myself. Detach, deflect, and destroy.
Destroy the boredom, the desperation, and the desire, with deflection and distraction.

Rumor has it that if I’m feeling these things God’s not there.
I started the rumor.

There have been times when God has lifted my head with purpose. Those moments are distracting in a good way. They are consuming.

I have a ton to do. A million things I could be doing. I don’t want to do them.
So mundane, so much like work.

“My peace I give to you.” Jesus said, “My peace I give to you.”
I wonder where he put it. I wonder where I put it. Where is that damn peace?
I’m kind of finding it here on this page by exploring my experience.
Could it be that simple? Embrace the experience? Share the experience?

I’m slowing down my head. I’m forcing myself to slow down. Slow down the heart beat. Slow down the ‘need’.
Shoot. I’m still bored. Don’t want to work.
“In this world you will have trouble”. Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble”.
Thanks allot Jesus.

I don’t blame Him. I’m just teasing Him.
I don’t think He causes the trouble. He doesn’t have too. I do a good enough job of that myself.
Sometimes without even trying.

It’s just life.
“So they may life to the full”. Jesus said He came that “they may have life to the full.”

I’m aware.
In this awareness is life. It’s exciting I guess.

In this moment, this experience of;
Sleep desiring
Activity wanting
Perseverance getting
Purpose knowing
Slow down doing
Boredom having
Chill acting
Peace hearing
Hard moment-day having
Awareness getting
Not distracting
Not detaching
Want-need-desire acknowledging
In this life to the full getting moment,

I see that this is “life to the full.”

Thanks Jesus. Really, thanks.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

God's leading

When an individual acknowledges God it is because The Holy Spirit has enlightened them.

As the person then opens their heart more fully, the same Spirit responds in communion (which can be exhilarating).

As this communion continues, many people in an effort to further this relationship, or get more of God, turn to organized religion (an institution).

The institution then expresses a set of beliefs it has embraced which can be perceived as a requirement of God if we are to have more of God.

These beliefs are generally derived from three primary avenues of thought:
1. Recorded historical biblical instructions given to other people(s) by God in response to particular circumstances they faced in their lives.
2. The testimony or beliefs of a strong leader.
3. The testimony or beliefs agreed upon corporately by the institution members.

In my life as I consider the methodology taught by the churches I have associated myself with it, It has been demonstrated that a correct relationship with God will contain certain measurable actions from me. Some examples of these actions are;
1. Acknowledge my depraved nature and request forgiveness by God.
2. Acknowledge Jesus’ death and resurrection as the only means by which by which a relationship with God can be established.
3. Be baptized.
4. Worship God in gratitude for what he has done you.
5. Be filled with the Holy Spirit.
6. Study the Scriptures.
7. Become involved with a local group of believers.
8. Tithe.
9. Serve the body of believers.
10. Become active in humanitarian service.
11. Become active politically.
All of these actions are potentially correct but inadvertently an incorrect message is sent that these actions are needed to make possible a further response from God.
I believe God is honored by these actions and as we practice these things a natural human design (of His making) impacts our life. We experience a sort of fulfillment that feels good and makes sense to us. The ‘math’ is understandable, “If I do this, I will feel this”. Yet along the way, the actions alter the simplicity of what is taking place. Instead of a simple pursuit/response relationship, the relationship becomes action/response and the action becomes necessary for response.
I think organized religion exists because of our thirst for more of God. One problem we face in wanting to satisfy this thirst and we must deal with is the Old Testament. These books in the bible, particularly the first five where the law is given, are just what I have described. God presents rules clearly saying; “if you do this, then I will do that”, or “if you do not do this, then I will not do that”. It was very clear. The rules of engagement were clearly defined. Modern mainstream Christian religions all agree these laws were for the most part negated when Jesus personally interacted with the world on our behalf. The examples are too many for me to go into in this moment, but for example; we no longer believe we must sacrifice animals to be forgiven. As we teach the history of the bible and discover these action/response examples, we assimilate the concept as being required. We somehow forget these were commands issued by God to a people in a time.
So this brings us back to where we started, the person who has begun to engage God, seeking more or him. If my premises are correct as written in my opening statements, two circumstances occurred;
1. There was an acknowledgement of God attributed to the Spirit of God.
"No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him, and I will raise him up at the last day. John 6:44
2. As person then opens their heart the Spirit of God responds. "When the
Counselor comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth who goes out from the Father, he will testify about me.” John 15:26 (Jesus is speaking to believers).

These two actions are the fundamental basis by which every action takes place in a believer of Jesus (and therefore a relationship with God). The action and order of events as laid out by Jesus are clearly demonstrated in this order.
1. Action by God, response from us.
2. Willingness by us, action from God.
The action in both examples is from and by God. There is something to be said that response and willingness is an action too, but it is only within ourselves, an exercise of our free will in response to His action.

This brings us to the modern church in its current model. If ‘God information’ and ‘Christian identity exploration’ are to be pulpit driven, and the corporate testimony of the assembled believer is to a model of a Christian life, then our public profession must always be that these conclusions are drawn from an experience by which God has performed an action, (or intervention into us as), as a result of our being willing to receive it. This presents a problem. This simple message of ‘our willingness/God’s action’ might possibly drive a preacher crazy in its simplicity and repetitiveness. There is also some question as to whether this simple statement is sufficient to support the model of service and action created by the modern church.

I believe we must however keep our message of what a Christian life should look like in its simplest form, “our willingness to respond to God’s action”.

I suspect that if we keep our message simply focused, our visible results may look very similar to the ‘requirements’ described above but perhaps to a greater degree than we have ever seen, hoped or imagined. I believe any time we place any value on any of our actions (beyond the exercise of our free will) we have diminished the work of Jesus Christ and the need for His intervention, life, and death on our behalf. If we maintain correct perspective, these very actions then become a response to Him rather than a negotiation with Him.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Dark Closets

Sometimes life is like a dark closet
You know where you are but you can't see
You feel around looking for something but can't feel it
You know you put it there, but not where
Sometimes you forget what you went to the closet for
Sometimes you find what you were looking for only to find it's not what you remember it to be
Sometimes you discover it was never there to begin with
Or somebody moved it
Sometimes you discover your target and it's better and more special than you hoped.

Jesus in a Beatles song

I found Jesus in the Beatles song "It's All Too Much" written by George Harrison.

It's all too much

It's all too much
When I look into your eyes
Your love in there for me
And the more I go inside
The more there is to see.
It's all too much for me to take
The love that's shining all around you
Everywhere it's like what you make for us to take it's all too much
Floating down the stream of time
From life to life with me
Makes no difference where you are or where you'd like to be.
It's all too much for me to take
The love that's shining all around here.
All the world is birthday cake so take a piece but not too much.
Sail me on a silver sun
Where I know that I am free
Show me that I'm everywhere and get me home for tea.
It's all too much for me to take
There's plenty there for everybody
The more you give the more you get
The more it is it's too much.
It's all too much for me to see
The love that's shining all around you
The more I learn the less I know
But what I do is all too much for me to take
The love that's shining all around you
Everywhere it's what you make for us to take it's all too much.
It's much, it's much.
It's too much Ah!
It's too much
You are too much ah!

George wrote it for his girl. Jesus gave it to me. Rather nice of Him. Thanks.

(It I watch the video its harder for me to think about Jesus but heres a link)

They stay

I read an interesting quote the other day that is stimulating to me;

“You can reach a point in life when it almost doesn't matter whether people love you in the way you want but are simply here, nearby enough, that they just bother at all" - Jerry Battle in Chang Rae Lee's Aloft

At face value the speaker is addressing a place he has reached in his life where he has removed the expectation that his (perceived) needs will be met in what other people provide for him. There is a degree of health here.
I do believe that as relational creatures, God has provided a means by which we are ‘more complete’ by entering into relationship with others. We need input from others into our lives to have balance. By engaging in relationship and living ‘outside of our own head’ a perspective not available to us is achieved. This type of relationship may be a primary means by which God speaks to us in a fashion that circumvents our natural tendency of selfishness.
I do not think the author is saying that relationships do not meet a need, rather that he would dictate what that need is.
I have people in my life who fulfill a desire for me. I do not expect these ‘select’ to fill a void I think I have. I do not expect that they will provide something lacking in me. Rather, they allow me my life and ‘bother to stay’, offering me love and companionship. I have people who accept me for who I am, and love me; sometimes for who I am, and sometimes in spite of whom I am. So while our character Jerry Battle may seemingly loathe something about himself and find himself dismissing his desire for a particular type of love, we both apparently are thankful we have people who have chosen to stay. For this I thank God.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

He holds my hand?

I had a discussion last night with some fellow ‘followers of the way’. The talk centered on when God fills you with His Spirit, our life becomes Him living through us. How exciting!Everyone in attendance understood the concept (I think), yet as so often happens, right on the tails of that came the avenue of thought that we should strive to conform to some set of ‘actions’ or that we should discipline ourselves to be found worthy of what He has done. The excitement, energy and life was sucked right out of the conversation.

I came home after that and heard a song saying Jesus ‘hold my hand’. The perspective was of the singer being; childlike, needy, scared and they desired that Jesus would hold their hand providing; security, protection, instruction. Now there have been times in my life where I ‘needed’ Him to do and be just that. There may be times in my future where I find myself in that position again and I don't think I would have a problem seeking that refuge in His power again, but the recurring theme of the night seemed wrong in my moment of reflection.

I remember the day I realized Jesus had let go of my hand. He had brought me along, taught me stuff, picked me up and brushed me off when I fell. He protected me in storms and fought off enemies when I had no wisdom or strength to do so myself. Yet there came a day when He let go of my hand and set me free. He has not left me, he has not abandoned me, He has not changed His love for me but He did change His desires for me.

I don’t think I understood that he let go of me. But I walked, sometimes wobbly, sometimes falling, hurting myself and others. I screwed up at times, and made wrong choices, (I still do) but He wasn’t ‘apart’ from me. He was with me. Eventually I ran, sometimes wildly. Rip roaring through the world crashing into and through life. Sometimes I raced ahead of Him and He raced where I went, right behind me. Other times He would fly off and I’d chase after Him, sometimes scared, sometimes amused, sometimes laughing wildly, and sometimes amazed.
Sometimes we go off side by side. Sometimes we hold hands, like men hold hands when they pray, or like lovers do, or like guys might do to form a chain to keep a crowd back. He still shows me stuff. I show Him stuff too, nothing He’s unaware of, just stuff I like, or wonder about, or consider. He does the same for me.

You see, I think God wants for us the same thing a parent wants for their child. As my wife and I have raised our children, we tried to give them some understanding of the world system. We tried to give them some wisdom, some tools and some strength from which to live their lives.

Do you think another ‘picture’ of Jesus in our lives could be of Him coming to us, changing us, teaching us, strengthening us, in the hope that He would eventually stand us up, and give us a pat on the butt and smile as we wander off to explore the wonderful world he made for us? All this in hope that we would share our discoveries and experiences with Him.
Do you think he likes to see us fly?