Thursday, May 28, 2009

Holy discontent

Monday (sometime in March)- Holy Discontent
A ‘stirring’ or crisis occurs in God’s creation as His spirit moves upon it. Believer, unbeliever, it matters not. Unbelievers have a choice; consider if this is from God, or dismiss it as life. Believers too have the same choice but have more options to consider as they pursue the Lord and try to discern what is happening.
For the believer, often the conclusion is that the Lord surly must want something from us, or that He is leading us to some ‘next level”, or that there is some puzzle we must solve to have this discontent removed. Do we go to scripture with the testimonies and knowledge found inside? Do we busy ourselves in service? Do we ‘plug in’ past healings or revelation and try to make them fit? Do we ‘practice’ the disciplines like fasting and prayer? All of these may be correct if that is where Jesus leads, but all of these may be ‘our’ solution and may do nothing more than silence that which we desire, to hear from our Lord.
I am in such a moment right now. As I speak with Jesus about this ‘Holy Discontent’ in my life; every action, every word definition, every principle I’ve learned, every testimony from my past rings empty and leaves me with a sense that these solutions are ‘mine’ and they are accomplishing nothing more that busying my mind and distracting me from my hearts desire, Jesus. Even this post boarders on repulsive for me.
The only answer is Jesus and I try to center myself solely on Him. Not on what my life will look like, not what He will remove or add, not what my testimony will be or if others will see truth in it, not if He will effect those in my garden as a result of what He accomplishes in me, not if I will have peace, not if I will understand, not if He will use me, not even if I will receive life, freedom, or healing.
I still myself best I can. I center my focus on Jesus, nothing more. I don’t know what to ask for; I don’t know what I need ‘from’ Him except that it is Him. I await Him.

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